I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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