she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
