6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
