then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize