my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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