your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
