So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My ATM looks so different sober.
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I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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