DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
