you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
