dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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