I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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