Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
