That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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