marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
