what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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