I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
