So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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