I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
