Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
