I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
