Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
