My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
