Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize