Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
