I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
