Moan for me like Helen Keller
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
