Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
