i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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