he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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