i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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