What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
