CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
