So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
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He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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