She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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