DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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