I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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