He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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