This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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