Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
