My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
