what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
