Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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