How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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