We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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