There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
