I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
