I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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