I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
