I hope mine doesn't look like that
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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