You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
