I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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