I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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