sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize