And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
