I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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