I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
