Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
