I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
