fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As shirtless as possible
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
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It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower