i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
