So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
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remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
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This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful