hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i came on her dog
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again