dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
