I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
