I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
