I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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