So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just had sex on a roof
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
