She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
