so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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