a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
