Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
as a side note pls kill me
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