Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
