who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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