omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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