mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
