were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
